Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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