you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
