...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
