she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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