Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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