he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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