Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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