He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
