This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I forgot wine drunk hurts
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
