she woke up with a sticky ear
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
