i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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