Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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