Define "chronic" masturbator.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
