It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
