just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize