I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
