cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
