I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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