I got chris browned last night
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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