Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
