I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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