Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
