Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
