if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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