from now on my penis is your penis
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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