Already got asked if we're dating
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
