i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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