she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
