You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I forget how to act sober
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
