When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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