So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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