I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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