i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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