Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
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So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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