This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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