Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
