At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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