We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
