And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
