I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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