I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize