his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
