Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
