Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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