so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
