The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
