Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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