I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As shirtless as possible
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.