I'm retarded. Again.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.