So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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