My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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