You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
