I like my sex mixed with concussions.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
