idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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