the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
