y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
