when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
