He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
