We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
