She kept screaming "best case scenario"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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