I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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