Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
