I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
