Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Boobs speak an international language.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
