hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
