Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Your penis caused this!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
