The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You ate ashes out of my bong
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
