I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
